Finding my way back to drawing
Drawing as a practice that expands capacity and possibility
Welcome to SEE YOU—a companion for artists, thinkers, and analog lovers with ideas, inspiration, and reflections on living an intentional creative life.
Today I am reflecting on my drawing practice and how I have recently found my way back in, after a long period of not making personal work. Join to follow along!
Even though I get paid to make art, I am constantly trying to negotiate the desire to draw.
To put it simply—I don’t feel like drawing1 most of the time! I have cursed the joy of drawing as a hobby by turning it into my work 🤷🏻♀️ but it is also my work to find my way back into the practice, again and again.
The last time I willed myself to draw was in September, when I wrote a two part post on getting back into your sketchbook (read it here: part 1 and part 2). Shortly after I started going to a weekly acrylic painting class and promptly neglected my sketchbook again.
Having this dedicated weekly time slot to make whatever art I want proved to be a godsend, especially during the flat winter season. Outside of these weekly painting hours, I only made project-based art—illustrations for my zines, new shop products, an event poster. Even the daily doodles in my Hobonichi journal became a work-like project—something to maintain rather than play.
When I draw for a project, the drawings become functional. I have a desired goal in mind and I drop into execution mode. There can be play along the way, but I am unable to live there too long. I have a deadline!2
I felt this tension again while making my latest travel journal from my trip to Mexico City. I love starting a travel journal, staying up late or waking up early and working on it in my jet lagged state. As the vacation progresses and my body wears down from sightseeing, I lose motivation but I still want to finish what I’ve started. I motivate myself to keep the journal going by pasting in ephemera first, reserving pages for meaningful locations I visited.
I try to complete a travel journal within two weeks of my return home. With each passing day reintegrating into my normal life, I want to buck away the discomfort of a dangling, unfinished project. I want to finish the journal before the memories of the trip fade away, even when I really don’t feel like drawing.
So I rush. In my rush I make bad drawings. Bad because I am not really seeing and capturing anymore. I am merely chasing the finish line.
“We don’t practice to feel good, we practice to feel more.”
- Adrienne Marie Brown
In Emergent Strategy, author Adrienne Marie Brown mentions that it takes 300 repetitions to build muscle memory and 3000 repetitions for embodiment.
I wonder how many times I have repeated drawing. How many artworks have I finished? As a self-taught adult who did not go to art school, I am pretty sure I do not have 3000 finished drawings. 3000 sketches, maybe. And definitely 3000 mutterings under my breath of how “I don’t want to draw” because it feels like a chore.
Year after year I remind myself that I do not draw to have fun. I really envy artists who consistently find drawing fun, but I am still capable of drawing without needing that to be true for myself. What drawing does is allow me to expand my vision, to hold more patience, and to see how I can keep toeing the line between precision and playfulness. Through drawing I expand my capacity. I expand my sense of possibility in all things.
During my latest attempt to rediscover drawing motivation, I’ve realized that drawing is my way to be outside. It seems funny to need a reason to be outside, but I am a major homebody. I don’t do any outdoor sports nor do I have a dog. I walk and I read outside; I meet people and have conversations at the park. But drawing is the best way for me to be in nature and really notice my surroundings.
Any art teacher will tell you that drawing from life beats drawing from a photograph. Perhaps that’s why I struggle and rush to finish the drawings in my travel journal after I come home. The drawing is already flatter by referencing a flat photograph. Physically I’m no longer there, and my drawing ceases to be as well.
How can I be more in my drawing practice? How can you be in your practice, whatever it is? I’m reminded of my meditation teacher’s advice on how to sit and meditate—just put yourself there.
Bring a stool to the park and find a beautiful flower. Go to figure drawing night and marvel at the countless folds of a naked human body. Peel an orange and capture its seeds. Place yourself in any environment with intention, and begin to notice. Start to see.
One of my favorite mags Uppercase Magazine is publishing a new book, Jot: The Creative Necessity of Ideas on Paper. If you love to work with paper, apply to be a part of the book before May 1!
My friend Daniela made a truly epic travel itinerary zine for her trip to Japan. The illustrated food checklist is my favorite!
There are a lot of free online drawing sessions, but the monthly Odd Orange sessions have long been my favorite. Get on their mailing list for free access.
Lauren Sands put together a big list of fifty whimsical artists. Many of my favorites are mentioned here, and some new discoveries too!
Project manager and novelist Emily J. Smith wrote a striking piece about how using AI in her day job atrophies her writing brain. We are not meant to live these dual lives…
🌑 Today is a new moon in Aries. There are six planets in Aries right now begging you to take action! I have a set of journal prompts to help guide you through today’s new moon, along with the future moon phases in May and June, all in my zine Spring Practice.
✍️ My writing group Ouroboros is now in session, so I am heads down tending to this lovely group of artist-writers. Several of you asked about future sessions—you can join the waitlist here to find out when registration opens for the next cohort.
🗽 NYC friends, I have two markets coming up in May! One’s at Pearl River Mart Foods in Chelsea Market on Friday May 1, and the other is SunnyDay Market in DUMBO on Sunday May 10. Would love to see you there—message me for comped tickets!
I will use “drawing” and “painting” interchangeably in this post, since I use mixed media to create my art.
And if there is no deadline…the project won’t ever be done! Gotta love the paradox.
"I have cursed the joy of drawing as a hobby by turning it into my work 🤷🏻♀️ but it is also my work to find my way back into the practice, again and again."
Love this sentiment, and it's something I'm always chasing as well! Thanks for sharing how you practice with purpose Carolyn!
Really loved this reflection! Thanks for sharing.