Week 2 of the Artist's Way, feelin' up & down

featuring attention, bonsai trees, and a meta-reference to this newsletter

Oct 22, 2019

Hi folks! Over the next few months I’ll be sharing my progress with The Artist’s Way, a self-help book for creative recovery written in the ‘90s by Julia Cameron. You can read more context about the decision to start the twelve-week program here.

Week 2, “Recovering a Sense of Identity”, is about gaining confidence in identifying with our creative selves and making sure our self-doubt doesn’t turn into self-sabotage. An example of such sabotage is someone showing their morning pages to a friend, who criticizes them. The thought of showing anyone my morning pages is horrifying; I don’t even want to read them myself.

I think about this example again later in the week when I decide to start this newsletter. Am I sabotaging myself by seeking support and sharing the progress? Thankfully (and unsurprisingly, since you are all wonderful people!) nobody has blasted me with criticism, and I decide to carry on.

Cameron writes that blocked artists think they are arrogant and self-willing when they speak of themselves as creative artists. This is actually a place of comfort, where we can fantasize about art instead of doing the work. Others around us who are blocked are the most likely to act bitterly, judge, or guilt trip us about our creative journey. Cameron suggests creating a safety map, identifying both supportive friends along with “blocked friends” around whom we need to be self-protective.

Creative blocks are manifestations of fantasy. In order to move past this, Cameron emphasizes the importance of attention (right here, right now). I am glad that as of late, there has been a rise of writers and thought leaders emphasizing the art of paying attention (Jenny Odell and Jonathan Fields come to mind). Cameron divulges that it was pain that taught her how to pay attention, when the future was too scary to think about and the past too painful to remember.

Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music—the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself. —Henry Miller

Morning Pages

I keep up with morning pages all seven days this week. It feels surprisingly easy to write three pages now, and I predict by next week I will feel like the routine is second nature. A lot of what I write in my morning pages is either recounting the previous day or thinking of what I have to do for the next day. I reckon that these low-level details need to be dumped and processed for me to gain clarity and have room to think about other things.

Ten Tiny Changes

One of this week’s tasks was to list ten changes I’d like to make for myself, from the significant to the small, then choose one and accomplish the task this week. My list looks something like:

Do another closet cleanout
Plant my propagated monstera, which has been living in a vase for months
Host a game night
Research best lip treatments (I swear my lips are always chapped by mid-day even when using a bunch of masks and balms, please reply if you have a holy grail method)
Get another set of sheets and pillowcases
Reach out to an acquaintance I admire

I choose to plant my monstera in a pot I had bought a few weeks back, finally crossing off a tiny todo that had been quietly nagging me. It takes all of three minutes to finish, but we’ve all read that burnout article so I know everybody feels me on taking this long to finish something “easy.”

Artist Date

By week two I realize that deciding what to do for the artist date is the most tiresome part of this program (ironic, because it is supposed to be a treat for myself!) I want to be intentional in making sure the date is a solo activity and one that I normally wouldn’t do. This excludes activities like dance classes or walking and listening to a podcast or any creative activities with friends.

Instead, I choose to visit two thrift stores in Gowanus—L Train Vintage and Housing Works. Thrift and vintage shopping is something I enjoy a lot (sustainability! prices!) but don’t end up doing frequently. It takes time and energy to browse a lot of items to find ones that really speak to you, as opposed to being able to see yourself wear a majority of things in trendier shops.

Ideally I would have visited my favorite stores in Greenpoint or Bushwick, but in the interest of time Gowanus wins out. I walk to Gowanus on Thursday after work (listening to one of my favorite podcasts on the way) to squeeze in thrifting time before meeting my sister for dinner. She asks if I am shopping for Halloween costumes, which I wasn’t thinking about but decide to browse with costumes in mind.

L Train Vintage has a bonanza of sequins. Sequin dresses, skirts, shorts, jackets, crop tops, bras. The flashiness of sequins gives me hives but I figure it might be a good costume base. I try to think of costumes or pop culture references that are iconically “sequin” but fall short. I resort to Google and don’t like any of its suggestions. After some time walking through aisles of shiny dresses and baja hoodies and feeling more anxious about Halloween, I leave for Housing Works. The clothes are higher end here but not my taste. There are, however, lots of framed art on the walls and a really sick antique Victrola cabinet that has little practical use, but would be dope to own. I find a bonsai tree growing kit on one of the shelves. The tree is a crepe myrtle bonsai with light pink blossoms, which I remember seeing many of during my time in Gyeongju, Korea this spring. I’m excited to recognize the type of tree and associate it to fond memories, so I buy the kit for $16.

Reflection

This week feels like settling in, getting used to the rhythms of a new structure. Some of the days are invigorating and fresh, like the day I start this newsletter excited for its possibilities. Other moments are more dull, including the time spent thrifting for the artist date. I can sense I am putting a lot of pressure on the artist date to be inspiring and fun. Though I don’t know the method of releasing that pressure yet, I aim to stay cognizant of it.