Week 5 of the Artist's Way: the virtue trap

do you believe spending time for yourself is selfish?

Hi folks! Over the next few months I’ll be sharing my progress with The Artist’s Way, a self-help book for creative recovery by Julia Cameron. You can read more about the decision to start the twelve-week program here.

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The theme of this week is “Recovering a Sense of Possibility.” Frequently we place limits on ourselves with scarcity thinking—we might think we’re already so privileged, that there is only so much good we can receive, that it is selfish to want more, that to expect and desire less is how we can guarantee satisfaction. But has this scarcity thinking worked out for us? Can you actually want less, or are those dreams just deeply buried? We can express gratitude for all that we have and still ask for and pursue more.

The Virtue Trap

We strive to be good, to be nice, to be helpful, to be unselfish. We want to be generous, of service, of the world. But what we really want is to be left alone. When we can’t get others to leave us alone, we eventually abandon ourselves.

Julia Cameron describes prioritizing others’ needs in order to appear virtuous as “the virtue trap.” I highlighted a majority of this chapter because damn, I REALLY FEEL THIS (and I’m sure a lot of you readers do too!) I dream of disconnecting from the internet, traveling by myself, or being unreachable and even lonely because I don’t provide alone time for myself consistently. And I don’t do that because to do so seems selfish, and being selfish is Very Bad, and I don’t want to be a Very Bad person.

Frequently it is unclear that this abandonment of ourselves is because we crave to be alone and do nothing. It manifests as moodiness, impatience, and guilt. We can surmise that is from lack of sleep/exercise or burnout but I do think there is something specific in needing to carve out time for one’s self for someone with creative wishes. It’s also slightly different from an introvert needing alone time to recharge, though I’m sure there is plenty of overlap.

Through the week I plan out my days as best as I can so that I know when I will have alone time with clear boundaries and when my time will be free for others. If I know these timeframes in advance, I can let go of any guilt I feel from not prioritizing one or the other. As someone who also loves jumping onto new ideas and trying new things with friends, it’s a work in progress to keep all of my own needs in mind while also allowing for some spontaneity! It feels like a very Virgo solution to practice self-love through planning & organization, but it really can be the best gift.

Vision Board

For my artist date this week, I spent a Saturday afternoon in a cafe creating a vision board through Pinterest. This was the first time that my artist date play time was digital, yet I had the most fun this week than ever before! Messing around on Pinterest and collecting inspiring, self-reflective images was 100% play, 0% pressure.

Some themes from the board:

• I want a library in my future home with lots of greenery and sunlight through the windows. Natural, wooden elements a plus

• I vibe a lot with introspective artwork and the color yellow

• May I have the outfit confidence of Peggy Gou

Thank you to all of you who have been reading these weekly emails and messaging me your incredibly kind & supportive comments! If you know of a friend who wants to follow along with The Artist’s Way or is stuck in the virtue trap, please share :)