Can I break my speaking anxiety in 30 days?
Reviewing my experience taking Ultraspeaking's fundamentals course
I’m at the dinner table listening to others regale the rest of the group with fascinating anecdotes on the last night of a retreat. I’m at the office amongst coworkers vividly recapping their weekends over lunch. I’m drawing with friends, nodding along as they swap their opinions on the latest incendiary news item of the week.
In all of these group situations I readily inhabit the role of the listener. Rarely do I desire to speak in groups, and during moments when I do have something to say, I wonder how to jump in and if what I have to say is really worth sharing. Sometimes I am kindly ushered in to the exchange with a prompting question—and what about you, Carolyn? As a response I spit out any high level observation I can recall then quickly bounce the ball of conversation towards another player.
I can diagnose my tendency in many different ways. Certainly other people have. You can call it shyness, introversion, neurodivergence, monastic silence, social anxiety, or a fear of taking up space. I waver between making peace with this part of my personality or pinpointing it as something to fix.
This summer the scale began to tip heavily towards seeing my quietness as a problem. I went on three group trips in the span of a month—one with close friends, one with extended family, one with strangers at a retreat—and judged myself for not contributing more to dinner table conversation on all three trips. I envied those who could jump into a conversation with a “that reminds me of…” and effortlessly recount a story with the most tenuous of connections. I wondered when it was that I lost my desire to partake in group speaking, and how likely it was to be an avoidance tactic.
Once the busyness of summer had subsided I signed up for a 30 day speaking class called Ultraspeaking Fundamentals. Each week we would meet for three hourlong Zoom sessions with our cohort and practice speaking with and giving feedback to each other. The course is tailored towards speaking spontaneously and conversationally, which drew me in despite its high price point ($700!)
Week 1’s focus was speaking before thinking. We practiced this a rapid fire analogies game1, where we had to complete many rounds of analogies each under five seconds. The coaches emphasized that rather than focusing on the content, we should focus on our delivery and staying in character—no cracking, apologizing, or fading out.
Though the speed of the games was stressful at first, the analogies game was really fun to play and encouraged me to trust my intuitive brain. Practicing with other people lessened the self-critical voice as we observed each other flail and applauded each other’s ability to stay in character throughout.
Week 2’s focus was on musicality—speaking with emotion and energy. As a low talker, I dreaded this week the most and it was indeed the hardest module. To work on delivering with energy and emotion, we played the Conductor game where we were given a topic and a number from 1 to 10 to guide the level at which we should be delivering our speech. Higher numbers would convey excited, fun, or angry emotions, while lower numbers would connote thoughtfulness and reflection.
The coaches tried to encourage the students as much as possible to “break through” on those higher numbers, where people often struggle. One coach mentioned he’s seen people take the course over five times and still not be able to break through. I also did not break through and shout at the top of my lungs over Zoom, and I felt major discomfort being pushed by a coach to express anger over a speaking topic that I didn’t really connect with (a break through better left for therapy perhaps?) However I found that I could unlock conveying fun or excited energy more easily, and really shined when speaking with lower, more grounded energy.
During week 3 we practiced pausing and getting comfortable with silence. I witnessed a lot of people having trouble with slowing down and taking breaks when speaking, which surprised me! I enjoyed discovering how pausing and breathing could be used to jump to new thoughts and wait for inspiration to strike. I received feedback on how I presented as thoughtful, confident, and unhurried, which was a nice win coming off the stress of week 2.
On week 4 we practiced storytelling. This felt like the meat and bones of the course, and I received really great tips on how to jump right into a story (using location, action, and present tense). Coaches encouraged me to express more of what I was feeling and thinking in a given moment, and to move beyond politeness in my retelling of a story. It’s more important to be relatable and to share both the good and bad emotions to connect with an audience.
Now it’s present day, about two weeks since the course has ended (unfortunately I missed all of week 5 after catching a sinus infection and having to travel). Did I unshed my speaking anxiety over the course of a month? Certainly not. It still pains me to raise my voice loudly or to have to share a story on the fly in a group.
However, I’ve been observing that socializing feels less draining and speaking for lengths at a time is more manageable. I also appreciated hearing others’ perception of my speaking self to be reflective, honest, and intentional. I felt relieved in identifying with this perception, and that I could be proud about these traits in myself rather than seeing them as an undesirable way of showing up.
One final lesson I’m grateful to have learned is the importance of speaking before you think. It’s a great takeaway for any form of creative self-expression—we can only invite in flow if we are already in the act. If we wait for the perfect insight or the perfect story before we decide to share, chances are the opportunity has already passed us by.
Thank you for reading this vulnerable post 💛 And to continue with more vulnerable acts, I am promoting my revamped online shop with new stickers and prints!
As a thank you for being here, you can get 10% off your order with the code CYOOSUBSTACK, no minimums. Take a gander, and if you’re a fellow artist and would like to do a trade, please let me know 🌼 I love sending mail!
The Rapid Fire Analogies and Conductor game are free to play via Ultraspeaking’s website.
Thank you for sharing your experience. And I hear you re: speaking anxiety.
I used to be a severe stutterer as a child, and still struggle with stammering as an adult sometimes, especially when I'm tired or anxious or excited. When I was first invited to do my first public speaking gigs as a book creator, I was terrified.
Now, I actually enjoy public speaking, but only if I think that what I'm saying is helping others somehow (that way it's easier to focus on THEM, not me) and also if I can prepare ahead of time. It also helps if I can use visual aids, one reason I dread having to do audio-only podcasts.
Cheering for you, Carolyn!
Thanks for sharing your experience with this course. It was really fascinating to read about the different exercises. I do wonder how it would be different if it was in-person vs. zoom.