Carolyn, I look forward to discussing this with you more in-depth, but yes, it is SO hard. It's never ending hustle and that can lead to its own burnout that's different from corporate work burnout. It's hard to hold steady when your brain then starts to think that working a 9-5 and getting a paycheck and leaving work at the office is an easier route than the hustle of a small business. But what you've done in 6 months is impressive. If this is still your passion then the work is to shut down these internal voices of doubt. But know that you can always change your mind too. We've moved in and out of small business/full time job work for the last two decades whenever we needed to for financial reasons or because we were too tired of the hustle. Keep going though. It takes time to build a small business.
Thank you so much Jenna—I learn so much insight from your posts and so appreciate your honesty around this life! I so agree that moving beyond the internal voices of doubt is key, and to not take any particular setback as a sign to stop altogether.
I wish more people shared these experiences. One of the many pitfalls of the internet. There is no shame in getting a traditional job when necessary. We still need to survive, especially if others depend on you. You can always pick up your work as long as you live.
I'm right in front of the door of leaving the hustle behind. Monday is my last working day in the corporate world before I can label myself as pre-retired a..d my job will be offshored.
I am looking forward to more time, to slowness, to not 'having' to do anything.
Patience is not my thing either but lately I've learned that it can be replaced simply by a slower rhythm, less expectations and more contemplation.
I've learned that we're always doing the right thing, even if it feels like the wrong thing.
So thrilling Miranda! It's so empowering to be at that edge. Hoping both of us can learn to move more slowly, at our own pace :) and absolutely—we need to go wrong to go right!
My first thought in reading the list of things you've been doing was, "that's so much!!!" I really appreciate all of these thoughts, and as one of the self-employed artists who has made creative work their full-time gig, I think about the tension of hustle culture SO much. We have so much unlearning to do. I actually wrote "hustle up some money" in a note to myself the other day, and it made me pause and wonder why I was using that word.
Anyway.... there's no right answer to any of this, but I think Timothy's point is spot on. This society and the systems in place are not made for us. So we have to build our own!
The creeping desire to hustle and earn is so real! I'm so grateful to artists and writers like you who are shaping and promulgating different ways to be—in business, on the internet, as artists. As you said, it's our role in society and life to imagine and build new ways to be!
wow, this post deeply resonated with me! hope you don't mind me sharing a little bit here:
I've been a freelancer going on seven years now, nearly half of that while I was still working a FT job, too. I ended up going FT freelance bc I eventually burned out at my last job, but I've also experienced burnout as a FT self-employed person; it seems an inevitable outcome in our extreme society no matter the path you take, almost like a "pick your poison" scenario. but as I've gotten older and become more stabilized in my freelancing practice, I'm learning how to set boundaries and sit with things instead of chasing and planning for "more". last summer, I essentially forced myself to prioritize my creative pursuits instead of hustling for work just for a couple of months and, wow, even that was a challenge! (I wrote about that experience in my newsletter and it felt very exposing to be open about it, so I applaud how you so generously share the vulnerabilities of your journey! I hope you know it's appreciated!!). it's always difficult to push away feelings that I'm not doing enough, that I should instead be working on things that are actually "important", but I know that's not true and it's just a symptom of how our society has conditioned us to value ourselves based on our productivity in a capitalist sense. I don't think I will ever get rid of this thinking because I've realized it never goes away no matter how much I'm doing or making—it's embedded in us and repeatedly reinforced by things and people around us, after all!—but at least I'm aware of it so I can keep up the process of unlearning.
I love that passage from Ellen Wayland-Smith's book you included, and I think it's a great reminder for us of the value of time and slowing down. the last thing I'll say is just to make sure to give yourself grace while you're figuring things out! in the end, whatever you decide to do will be the best thing to do for yourself, and that's what's most important.
Ahh thank you so much Natasha for openly sharing with me as well! I always love hearing about other's freelance journeys. Absolutely resonate with "picking your poison" and finding it challenging to actually stop hustling (as much as we love to complain about the hustle, lol). Thank you for the reminder to give myself grace! May we both be patient, experiment, and keep going wherever it may be :)
Omggg this post!! 🥲 Everything you wrote is soooo relatable!!!
> Guess what? Trying is so embarrassing!
omgggg isn't it 🥲🥲🥲
Too many things resonate here for me to make a totally coherent comment 😆 but I wanted to share a few anecdotes case they're helpful to you too!
1. Originally my sabbatical was going to be 1 year long, and my goal was to have everything figured out by the end of 1 year. Um, LOLLLLL. That was such an arbitrary, insufficiently short timeline!!!!! I'm almost 2 years in (will be 2 years in July) and I feel like I've JUST gotten a hang of, simply, what I want to do and how I want to work. (And still that's not 100% decided!! Just like, more clarity than being completely unclear 😂) The "how does money happen" part? Yeaaaaaah still a huge work in progress 😂 My solo journey has become a huge exercise in risk tolerance for me, a lot more so than I ever expected!
2. At the end of 2024, I had a big 💡 moment about an unnamed frustration I had held all year: I realized that I had really wanted 2024 to be a year where I *executed* a lot -- like, built and shipped a lot of things -- and instead it was a year where I *learned* a lot, and shipped very little (imo). There was no way around the learning, no matter how much I wanted to skip the learning part and go straight to the "making great things fast" part lol. I actually planned my 2025 a lot differently because of this!! (Could go in way more detail but short version is: I said no to WAY MORE THINGS so I could focus on roughly 1 thing at a time, for way longer than I thought I "should" need)
3. I noticed I am very susceptible to my environment. If I'm hanging around e.g. former tech colleagues -- even those whom I LOVE -- who are (lovingly) confused by what I'm doing, e.g.
maybe they innocently don't understand how much work it is to create Pouch and are genuinely confused why it takes me so long to produce an issue -- well I find that's NOT HELPFUL AT ALL 😂 and so I actively limit my time with these lovingly confused friends, at least for now lol. I prioritize spending time with people who *already* understand and support what I'm doing, people who make me feel energized and inspired when I spend time with them! I notice this makes a BIG difference to my mood and confidence!
Thank you for sharing your creative journey with us, including the joys and the struggles!! I'm struggling right along with you with the same things 😂💖 but we're getting through it!! 🫶
Ahh thank you for sharing Victoria!! And it's so good to have a friend in a similar boat - we are paddling the seas together! I remember being in awe of how you've handled your sabbatical when I first met you, but of course there's so much internal friction behind the scenes from lack of clarity and the unknown.
I can also see how much your 2025 intention to say no and focus has led to beautiful creations, like Pouch #2 <3 truly so impressed by your labor of love, and every person I have shared it with can really see the effort you have poured into it!
And 10000% agree with being susceptible to my environment! Some friends think I am resting and having the time of my life, which is not totally untrue but also doesn't account for all the effort and discomfort from expanding outside of my comfort zone.
I really enjoy reading your newsletters. I can relate to much of your inner monlogue and appreciate the way you articulate your experiences. You put into words things I can't quite express. Thank you for sharing vulnerabilities in your journey and being brave enough to go against the grain. It spurs me on in my creative endeavours.
I resonate so much with this post. I'm about 2.5 years into self-employment after getting let go from a full time job and having no mental energy to start from the beginning with a job search. I have tried to be very intentional with the projects I take on, and I'm always reminding myself to set boundaries around my "available-for-others" working hours. This often requires me resetting my mind/perspective, remembering that the hustle culture I came of age in is not the life I want for myself. I've also had to learn to tune out other's opinions and concerns of my choices, and this includes my self critic. (Not easy!)
I admire your intentional approach to the self employed creative life - I think intentionality is the key to making it sustainable. And I love your deep journal exploration... Want to try that myself!
Also I am in your Zine Lab and loving it! So grateful you came up with it/are offering it. It aligns with goals I have for myself surrounding creative community and connection, and making tactile things.
Hi Delaney! I love getting to hear more of your story, thanks for sharing it with me. Intentionality is so key—there's nothing like working on a not-so-great client project and knowing that I could have prevented it by having better boundaries or saying no in the first place.
It really isn't easy to stick to one's intentions, but it helps so much to surround ourselves with people who reflect the values we want to espouse :) which the internet and creative community can be great places for!
You did so much in six months! You explored and learned a lot while also working on art.
When I think back on my six-month sabbatical, I barely did anything and mostly did a lot of reading, thinking, and soul-searching, besides some work. XD I think that's the gist of it—doing what we want to do and when we want to do it. It will all be worth it!
Like Jenna said, you can always go back and return whenever you want to. I've done the same over the past decade.
Thank you Rachel! It means a lot to have that reflected back to me :)
I think the 'being' you prioritized during your sabbatical is so important! I have a good friend who started her sabbatical a few months before I did, and she has been so at peace with the uncertainty of her future career. I have so much admiration for it and can tell it's because she prioritized being over doing.
This is so real and relatable - thank you for sharing so generously from your experience. Love reading about the perspective and wisdom you've gained on this journey. <3
Kudos to you for the courage and perseverance to do this. I can't imagine it is easy. I'd love to at some point pick your brain about this because I fantasize about leaving tech and doing something more aligned with my skillset and values.
Thank you for this vulnerable update and bringing us along for this inspiring journey!
I found my three years self-employed to be some of the most pivotal in learning what I wanted from work and what I didn't. What still feels surreal 6 years later is how that experience help me choice my current career in education – something I would have never considered in college 😅
it’s such an ebb and flow!!! some days i can get huge chunks of work done for each of my freelance gigs, other days all i can do is watch video essays on youtube and turn over the compost in my garden (that’s what i did today). thanks for this post :)
I love that specificity of turning over compost—it feels like an apt metaphor! Thanks for sharing Chloe, so glad to know we're all in this ebb together.
Carolyn thank you so much for sharing this. I've been on a similiar journey for the past four years, navigating seasons of freelancing and seasons of employment as a copywriter. It takes a lot of patience and energy to work on creative projects. I often get to the end of a week thinking I've not done enough. I find it hard to prioritise when work takes all the energy, but lately I've been asking myself which of the things I do in my non-working time gets me closer to the creative life I crave. It's refreshing to read your perspective and experience. You're doing so much and it's beautiful and encouraging to witness your journey.
Carolyn, I look forward to discussing this with you more in-depth, but yes, it is SO hard. It's never ending hustle and that can lead to its own burnout that's different from corporate work burnout. It's hard to hold steady when your brain then starts to think that working a 9-5 and getting a paycheck and leaving work at the office is an easier route than the hustle of a small business. But what you've done in 6 months is impressive. If this is still your passion then the work is to shut down these internal voices of doubt. But know that you can always change your mind too. We've moved in and out of small business/full time job work for the last two decades whenever we needed to for financial reasons or because we were too tired of the hustle. Keep going though. It takes time to build a small business.
Thank you so much Jenna—I learn so much insight from your posts and so appreciate your honesty around this life! I so agree that moving beyond the internal voices of doubt is key, and to not take any particular setback as a sign to stop altogether.
I wish more people shared these experiences. One of the many pitfalls of the internet. There is no shame in getting a traditional job when necessary. We still need to survive, especially if others depend on you. You can always pick up your work as long as you live.
Sometimes you do it for the healthcare alone. That’s the situation our household is in, currently.
I'm right in front of the door of leaving the hustle behind. Monday is my last working day in the corporate world before I can label myself as pre-retired a..d my job will be offshored.
I am looking forward to more time, to slowness, to not 'having' to do anything.
Patience is not my thing either but lately I've learned that it can be replaced simply by a slower rhythm, less expectations and more contemplation.
I've learned that we're always doing the right thing, even if it feels like the wrong thing.
So thrilling Miranda! It's so empowering to be at that edge. Hoping both of us can learn to move more slowly, at our own pace :) and absolutely—we need to go wrong to go right!
How exciting to be embarking on this new part of your life... wishing you the best in those slowness.
My first thought in reading the list of things you've been doing was, "that's so much!!!" I really appreciate all of these thoughts, and as one of the self-employed artists who has made creative work their full-time gig, I think about the tension of hustle culture SO much. We have so much unlearning to do. I actually wrote "hustle up some money" in a note to myself the other day, and it made me pause and wonder why I was using that word.
Anyway.... there's no right answer to any of this, but I think Timothy's point is spot on. This society and the systems in place are not made for us. So we have to build our own!
The creeping desire to hustle and earn is so real! I'm so grateful to artists and writers like you who are shaping and promulgating different ways to be—in business, on the internet, as artists. As you said, it's our role in society and life to imagine and build new ways to be!
wow, this post deeply resonated with me! hope you don't mind me sharing a little bit here:
I've been a freelancer going on seven years now, nearly half of that while I was still working a FT job, too. I ended up going FT freelance bc I eventually burned out at my last job, but I've also experienced burnout as a FT self-employed person; it seems an inevitable outcome in our extreme society no matter the path you take, almost like a "pick your poison" scenario. but as I've gotten older and become more stabilized in my freelancing practice, I'm learning how to set boundaries and sit with things instead of chasing and planning for "more". last summer, I essentially forced myself to prioritize my creative pursuits instead of hustling for work just for a couple of months and, wow, even that was a challenge! (I wrote about that experience in my newsletter and it felt very exposing to be open about it, so I applaud how you so generously share the vulnerabilities of your journey! I hope you know it's appreciated!!). it's always difficult to push away feelings that I'm not doing enough, that I should instead be working on things that are actually "important", but I know that's not true and it's just a symptom of how our society has conditioned us to value ourselves based on our productivity in a capitalist sense. I don't think I will ever get rid of this thinking because I've realized it never goes away no matter how much I'm doing or making—it's embedded in us and repeatedly reinforced by things and people around us, after all!—but at least I'm aware of it so I can keep up the process of unlearning.
I love that passage from Ellen Wayland-Smith's book you included, and I think it's a great reminder for us of the value of time and slowing down. the last thing I'll say is just to make sure to give yourself grace while you're figuring things out! in the end, whatever you decide to do will be the best thing to do for yourself, and that's what's most important.
Ahh thank you so much Natasha for openly sharing with me as well! I always love hearing about other's freelance journeys. Absolutely resonate with "picking your poison" and finding it challenging to actually stop hustling (as much as we love to complain about the hustle, lol). Thank you for the reminder to give myself grace! May we both be patient, experiment, and keep going wherever it may be :)
The children’s magazine pages are gorgeous!
Thank you so much Haley!
Omggg this post!! 🥲 Everything you wrote is soooo relatable!!!
> Guess what? Trying is so embarrassing!
omgggg isn't it 🥲🥲🥲
Too many things resonate here for me to make a totally coherent comment 😆 but I wanted to share a few anecdotes case they're helpful to you too!
1. Originally my sabbatical was going to be 1 year long, and my goal was to have everything figured out by the end of 1 year. Um, LOLLLLL. That was such an arbitrary, insufficiently short timeline!!!!! I'm almost 2 years in (will be 2 years in July) and I feel like I've JUST gotten a hang of, simply, what I want to do and how I want to work. (And still that's not 100% decided!! Just like, more clarity than being completely unclear 😂) The "how does money happen" part? Yeaaaaaah still a huge work in progress 😂 My solo journey has become a huge exercise in risk tolerance for me, a lot more so than I ever expected!
2. At the end of 2024, I had a big 💡 moment about an unnamed frustration I had held all year: I realized that I had really wanted 2024 to be a year where I *executed* a lot -- like, built and shipped a lot of things -- and instead it was a year where I *learned* a lot, and shipped very little (imo). There was no way around the learning, no matter how much I wanted to skip the learning part and go straight to the "making great things fast" part lol. I actually planned my 2025 a lot differently because of this!! (Could go in way more detail but short version is: I said no to WAY MORE THINGS so I could focus on roughly 1 thing at a time, for way longer than I thought I "should" need)
3. I noticed I am very susceptible to my environment. If I'm hanging around e.g. former tech colleagues -- even those whom I LOVE -- who are (lovingly) confused by what I'm doing, e.g.
maybe they innocently don't understand how much work it is to create Pouch and are genuinely confused why it takes me so long to produce an issue -- well I find that's NOT HELPFUL AT ALL 😂 and so I actively limit my time with these lovingly confused friends, at least for now lol. I prioritize spending time with people who *already* understand and support what I'm doing, people who make me feel energized and inspired when I spend time with them! I notice this makes a BIG difference to my mood and confidence!
Thank you for sharing your creative journey with us, including the joys and the struggles!! I'm struggling right along with you with the same things 😂💖 but we're getting through it!! 🫶
Ahh thank you for sharing Victoria!! And it's so good to have a friend in a similar boat - we are paddling the seas together! I remember being in awe of how you've handled your sabbatical when I first met you, but of course there's so much internal friction behind the scenes from lack of clarity and the unknown.
I can also see how much your 2025 intention to say no and focus has led to beautiful creations, like Pouch #2 <3 truly so impressed by your labor of love, and every person I have shared it with can really see the effort you have poured into it!
And 10000% agree with being susceptible to my environment! Some friends think I am resting and having the time of my life, which is not totally untrue but also doesn't account for all the effort and discomfort from expanding outside of my comfort zone.
I really enjoy reading your newsletters. I can relate to much of your inner monlogue and appreciate the way you articulate your experiences. You put into words things I can't quite express. Thank you for sharing vulnerabilities in your journey and being brave enough to go against the grain. It spurs me on in my creative endeavours.
Wow, thank you Amber, I’m so happy to hear that! Tucking this comment away for the hard days 💛
I resonate so much with this post. I'm about 2.5 years into self-employment after getting let go from a full time job and having no mental energy to start from the beginning with a job search. I have tried to be very intentional with the projects I take on, and I'm always reminding myself to set boundaries around my "available-for-others" working hours. This often requires me resetting my mind/perspective, remembering that the hustle culture I came of age in is not the life I want for myself. I've also had to learn to tune out other's opinions and concerns of my choices, and this includes my self critic. (Not easy!)
I admire your intentional approach to the self employed creative life - I think intentionality is the key to making it sustainable. And I love your deep journal exploration... Want to try that myself!
Also I am in your Zine Lab and loving it! So grateful you came up with it/are offering it. It aligns with goals I have for myself surrounding creative community and connection, and making tactile things.
Hi Delaney! I love getting to hear more of your story, thanks for sharing it with me. Intentionality is so key—there's nothing like working on a not-so-great client project and knowing that I could have prevented it by having better boundaries or saying no in the first place.
It really isn't easy to stick to one's intentions, but it helps so much to surround ourselves with people who reflect the values we want to espouse :) which the internet and creative community can be great places for!
You did so much in six months! You explored and learned a lot while also working on art.
When I think back on my six-month sabbatical, I barely did anything and mostly did a lot of reading, thinking, and soul-searching, besides some work. XD I think that's the gist of it—doing what we want to do and when we want to do it. It will all be worth it!
Like Jenna said, you can always go back and return whenever you want to. I've done the same over the past decade.
Thank you Rachel! It means a lot to have that reflected back to me :)
I think the 'being' you prioritized during your sabbatical is so important! I have a good friend who started her sabbatical a few months before I did, and she has been so at peace with the uncertainty of her future career. I have so much admiration for it and can tell it's because she prioritized being over doing.
This is so real and relatable - thank you for sharing so generously from your experience. Love reading about the perspective and wisdom you've gained on this journey. <3
Thank you Elaine <3 we need a catchup/debrief soon!
Thanks for sharing. And congratulations on your yoga teacher training and illustrations. You're rocking it.
Thanks so much H. Maria, I appreciate you!
Kudos to you for the courage and perseverance to do this. I can't imagine it is easy. I'd love to at some point pick your brain about this because I fantasize about leaving tech and doing something more aligned with my skillset and values.
Thank you Nick! I am by no means a success or an expert but happy to share if it could be helpful :)
Thank you for this vulnerable update and bringing us along for this inspiring journey!
I found my three years self-employed to be some of the most pivotal in learning what I wanted from work and what I didn't. What still feels surreal 6 years later is how that experience help me choice my current career in education – something I would have never considered in college 😅
Thank you Jamal! And I need to hear your whole life story someday :) I keep finding out tidbits and so curious to know more!
We should do a video call!
it’s such an ebb and flow!!! some days i can get huge chunks of work done for each of my freelance gigs, other days all i can do is watch video essays on youtube and turn over the compost in my garden (that’s what i did today). thanks for this post :)
I love that specificity of turning over compost—it feels like an apt metaphor! Thanks for sharing Chloe, so glad to know we're all in this ebb together.
Very inspiring!
Carolyn thank you so much for sharing this. I've been on a similiar journey for the past four years, navigating seasons of freelancing and seasons of employment as a copywriter. It takes a lot of patience and energy to work on creative projects. I often get to the end of a week thinking I've not done enough. I find it hard to prioritise when work takes all the energy, but lately I've been asking myself which of the things I do in my non-working time gets me closer to the creative life I crave. It's refreshing to read your perspective and experience. You're doing so much and it's beautiful and encouraging to witness your journey.